Memorable Tawni Hart quotes.

Sketchy Beginnings

Why am I being touched?

Don't need another girl! I'm the funny girl, and the pretty one!
Sonny: No no no. It's OK! I can make this work. I'm a make-do kinda person. Watch me make do. [tries to rest on exercise equipment] I'll put my jacket right here, and I'll just relax right here. [Tawni's not convinced] My make-do isn't working, is it?

Tawni: No.

Sonny: You wanna talk about it?

Tawni: Sure! Grab a seat and scooch on over! [Tawni grabs Puddy-Two-Shoes and starts to pet her, while Sonny sits on the floor] Comfortable, roomie? (and makes a funny face)

Sonny: Less so by the minute?

Tawni: Let's think of this studio as a school. I'm the head cheerleader, and you're the new kid, and you're all gung-ho and you want to join the squad, and you have all these great ideas and you're full of enthusiasm!

Sonny: Yeah! That's right! I am!

Tawni: Well knock it off! (Sonny scared) You're not wanted on the squad!

Sonny: But I'm...already on the squad.

Tawni:  (thinks to herslf)Yes, yes! But we don't need you on the squad. [cooing] Do we, Puddy Two-Shoes?(nuzzles Puddy)

Sonny: [scared] Puddy Two-Shoes?

Tawni: And I certainly don't want to hear your cheers! Not your "sis," or your "boom," or your "ba."

Sonny: But what if I have a really awesome "ba?"

Tawni: I don't care if it's the greatest "ba" since... since.... Sheep Independence Day!

(Bends over to Sonny slowly) So stay on your side, don't touch my stuff, and keep out of my spotlight! [happy] OK then! Let's go rehearse!

Sonny: [fearfully cuddles Puddy Two-Shoes like a baby] If you could talk, would you scream?

Used to be my sketch. Used to be my dressing room. Used to be my show!

Sprinkle us with your Wisconsin funny dust!
I want my Puddy!

West Coast Story

Sonny: Does this fat suit make me look fat?

Tawni: You're wearing a fat suit?

Sonny: I was going to tell you how great you were... but now I'm not.

Tawni: You just did!

Sonny: Darn my niceness.

Tawni: Don't be so hard on yourself. It's hard not to compliment me. (twirls hair)

If I ran myself over with a golf cart, it would still be less painful than that story.
Guys, come on... [baby talk] Hasn't she suffered enough? [sees everyone's still mad and laughs] Yeah! I didn't think so either!
Lemme see, it went something like this: blah blah blah peace picnic blah blah blah, I got nothing. (smiles wide)
Did we win? Did we lose? Is it over? Can I leave?
Oh, I lost. Toodles!

You've Got Fan Mail

Sonny: [her cell phone rings with a cow noise] Hey, my first phone call. Hello?

Tawni: Yeah it's me. Could you keep it down? I have twenty pounds of fan mail to go through.

Sonny: Fan mail? Did I get any? [Tawni calls/Sonny's cell phone rings again] Hello?

Tawni:  (baby talk) Aww, I was hoping to get your machine. (normal) Anyway, no fan mail for you.

Sonny: That's okay. 

Tawni: Um, I said you had noooo fan mail.

Sonny:  (sad) I heard you. 

Tawni: Doesn't that bother you? I mean when I joined the show, my fan mail started right away.

Sonny: Doesn't bother me. [Tawni calls again/ Sonny'scell phone rings yet again] Hello?

Tawni:   (smiles) Does it bother you now?

Sonny: I'm off to rehearsal. Besides, I'm not going to let this bother me. I'm way too mature. [takes baby bottle and bonnet prop and hat to the Baby Waa Waa rehearsal] Hmm! (walks out with Baby Props)

Sonny: [reading lines for Baby Waa Waa sketch] "Waa waa waa." That's no good. "Waa waa waa."

Tawni: (walks in happily) Still crying about no fan mail?

Sonny: No. I told you, I'm totally fine with that.

Tawni: Maybe someday, you'll get a fan letter like everyone else. Me, Zora, Grady, Nico, Marshall... me.

Sonny: Well for your information, I did get a fan letter. From royalty. A king no less.

Tawni: Oh, really? Could it be the Hunan King? Does he live in a noodle palace?

Sonny: Actually, he's got seven locations. Okay, fine, it's just a menu. I didn't get any stupid fan mail.

Tawni: Sweetie, I know it must hurt to be so unpopular. Well, I don't know. I can only imagine. Just like you can only imagine what it's like to actually be popular. You see, every fan letter is like a hug (hugs herself) from a friend.

Sonny: Is this pep talk almost over?

Tawni: Let's see. I got more pep. So yeah, all done!

Sonny: I have fans. They just haven't had time to write yet.

Tawni: Ha!  Keep dreaming! [leaves]

Sonny: It's time. [gets pen and paper and begins to write herself a fan letter from "Eric"] "Dear Sonny..."

Hey, mail's here. [directed at Sonny] This doesn't concern you.
Tawni: So what does your dude's intuition tell you now?

Eric/Sonny: It's time to take these broken wings and fly!

Tawni: [grabs the phone and traps Sonny under her, then answers the phone] Yo, wassup? You want me to meet Sonny in front of a live audience? You'd have to break my legs to keep me away. [hangs up and talks to Sonny] Aw, turns out it was for you!

[Sonny uses the cell phone to call Tawni's phone]

Tawni: Hello?

Sonny: Will you get off of me?

Eric, come out, come out, wherever you're not.

Cheater Girls

I'm not sure what you call it in Wisconsin, but here in America--we call it cheating!

Sonny: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Tawni: Lemme Check. (Looks into mirror) Ah I am! And I'm PRETTY!

Three's a Company

Wow! You can take the girl out of Wisconsin, but you can't get the girl to stop talking about Wisconsin!

I can't believe you're saying no to me. I knew this would happen someday, but I always expected it to come from an Efron or a Timberlake.

Sonny With a Chance of Dating

[holding a scarf] Beyonce. Tyra. And a pirate, arrg!

When your heart is broken into a million pieces and scattered all over the floor, just remember, Tawni Hart doesn't vacuum!
[referring to Mackenzie Falls] What is your show even about?
[Tawni comes over and awkwardly tries to comfort Sonny]

Sonny: Are you trying to comfort me?

Tawni: Yeah. Can I be done now--

Sonny: Yes.

There are two things I like. Me being right, and you being not right.
Sonny: Hah, should've guessed it. Who's Tawni's best friend?

Tawni: Tawni!

Sonny: Hah!

Sonny and the Studio Brat

Tawni: We're going to somewhere so cool, so exclusive, so underground... it doesn't even exist!

Grady: We're going to Narnia?!

Promisses, Prom-Misses

I've been working since my first diaper commercial.

[excitedly] Tawni Town! What? It's a great dream. And a heck of a town!
[Tawni walks in]

Grady: Wow, Tawni!

Tawni: Wait! Hold that obvious thought. [puts on tiara] Okay, you are now free to "ooh" and "aah!"

Oh! You must be the teen gladiator hunks. Or should I say twunks. I'm Tawni, I'll be your prom queen for the evening. And as your prom queen, I'd just like to say... you pigs! You ate all our food.
Tawni: Well, well, well, I send you out for food, and you return with a knife for my back.

Sonny: What are you talking about?

Tawni: Isn't it obvious? You're dressed like a queen. You're trying to steal my crown! This is what you've been waiting your whole life for. This is why you moved here from Wisconsin.

Sonny: What? Tawni, my dress was covered in food. I had to find something else to wear. It was either this or the mermaid outfit. What do you want me to do?

[Sonny reenters in the mermaid dress] Happy now?

Tawni: [laughs]

Sonny: The prom is cancelled.

Tawni: What!? I've been dreaming of becoming prom queen ever since you brought it up eighteen minutes ago! [holding plastic tiara] Everyone laughed when I bought this. [starts polishing it] Who's laughing now?

Zora: I'm not! That's my toothbrush.

The Heartbreak Kid

Sonny: Okay, well first you're going to flip your hair.

Tawni: [flips her hair] When? [she gasps] Oh my gosh! You're good!

Tawni: And I know Sonny. Watch. First she's going to go over to Marshall and Bitterman.

Nico: Like she just said she was gonna do?

Tawni: I wasn't done. Now she's gonna act all cutesy. And they're going to laugh... [they laugh] And it's not going to work. And then she's gonna come over here and use her high voice and say, "Everything's okay!" But it won't be okay.

Sonny: [walks back over] Everything's okay!

Tawni: But it's not.

Sonny: No.

I mean sure we're all doing great in school, but if I cared about school, I wouldn't be in show business.
Tawni: Marshall's mother. Oh, didn't you know? He still lives with his mommy.

Sonny: That's never a good thing, right? A grown man living with his mommy?

I must have dozed off. [a piece of the Bigfoot costume falls onto her] Oh look, a new purse!
Oh, Nico, hold my new purse.

Battle of the Networks' Stars

And I have to condition. I'm in a movie. [laughs] Toodles!

Tawni: Thank you, Nico! You are the real Nico, right? [pokes him]

Nico: Uh... how does that prove I'm the real Nico?!

I've always wanted to see you two get pummeled by a gladiator. I mean, I'm glad it's them and not you.


[as her character] That wasn't Gassie. That was me.

[French accent] Stop in ze name of ze fashion! Ze only accezoriez you will be whering iz ze hahndcuffz.
I'm a little teapot, short and stout! Here is my handle, here is my spout!

Tales from the Prop House

Or me... symbolically. I don't do silver.

Sonny in the Kitchen With Dinner

Sonny: Just pretend he's a regular guy on the street.

Tawni: Guy on the street, guy on the street, guy on the street...

Hayden: Hey, Tawni!

Tawni: Don't touch my purse!

Hayden: Okay. Hey, Sonny!

Sonny: Maybe I should handle this. I'll figure out a way for you two to get together, okay?

Tawni: Watch your purse!

Really, cause I think that was a foul against Team Tawni! Ralph agrees with me!
Where do you keep the non-terrible music?
Chad: Who is this guy!?

Tawni: The love of my life!

Chad: Then why is she kissing him!?

Tawni: I don't know!!

Walk a Mile in My Pants

Tawni: I now give you 3 seconds to stare at my butt. Tawni: 3 pages about your walkathon and no word about TAWNI HART'S EXTREME SKINNY JEANS. Available online.

Gassie Passes

Sonny: What about you Granny what did you make? (waiting for tawni to answer) Granny? (looked to Tawni)
Tawni! you're supposed to tell us what you make
Tawni: I'm making a movie
All: (Confused) What?
Tawni: Look ,the website for the new Gassie movie is up (looks at her phone) Why is Gassie's head bigger than mine?
Sonny: well i'm not sure that it is , well it could be because gassie is the star for the movie Gassie and we.....
Zora: check it out! check it out (enters the scene while holding a Gassie lunch box)
Tawni: we're not doing that sketch

Sonny: But nobody can know okay (talking to gassie )
Bella: Gassie!!!
Sonny: Especially her (worried)
Sonny: and her (runs toward tawni)
Tawni: look at the new poster for gassie and me
(show the poster to sonny)
Sonny: (confused) don't you mean gassie and we?
Tawni: why is everything have to be about you sonny
(walk away)

Tawni: (talking to gassie) think the twisters coming gassie? (fake laugh)

fart sounds

Tawni: that doesn't sound like gassie (whisper to grady)

Nico: Gassie can't toot?

Tawni: No toot means no movie
Grady: No movie means no kids buying lunchboxes

Nico :no kids buying lunch boxes means no money

Tawni: no! ( came out from the photobooth) you c'mon that dog ( walking towards sonny) was perfectly happy being unhappy why can you not just learn to leave bad enough alone!
Sonny: i'm sorry i just like doggies

Gassie lying on the floor
Zora: Please tell me his sleeping
Sonny: Uhmmm okay his sleeping

Zora: (angry) don't lie to me!
(Tawni hold zora back)
Tawni: What did you do
Sonny: I don't know it was going so well
i told him to seat and he sat
it told him to roll over he rolled over
i told him to play dead........ he died
Grady: (touching gassie's paw) eeeew.... you gotta feel this
Nico: I am not gonna feel that

Tawni: Welcome friend i'm tawni hart i was supposed to start in gassie's movie
gassie and me
Cast of So random: it's we

Tawni: Whatever
it's a great role that the world will never see goodbye old friend (walking towards gassie's coffin)
seat.. stay ........ forever (fake cry) (goes back to her seat) (talks to sonny) goodluck following that

Grady: Gassie farted from the great beyond
Nico: No he didn't look
Sonny:Gassie you're alive
Tawni: i still have a movie career....... i mean isn't this a miracle

The Legend Of Candy Face

Tawni: The Legend of Candy Face You know what's scary? What this mountain air is doing to my hair, and what this mountain dirt is doing to my skin, and what my mountain fist will do to your mountain face if you don't stop flapping your mountain gums!

Tawni: [singing] And a new curling iron Sonny must buy.

Sonny: I know.

Tawni: Hair Master Model 302.

Sonny: I got it.

Tawni: And it better be an aqua blue.

Sonny: OK.

Dakota's Revenge

Tawni: (at Dakota's continuous crying) Oh my gosh. It's human.

Sonny with a Kiss

Tawni: Sonny and Chad sitting in the tree...that's it. Just sittin'.

Sonny With a Grant

Tawni: (listening to music and sees Grant) HEY GRADY YOUR REALLY ANNOYING AND LOUD BROTHER IS HERE!!!!

Tawni: According to this bottle, I'm a golden goddess!

Grady: According to my eyes, you're an oompa-loompa.

Tawni: (wails/screams) I look like a carrot stick! (runs out)

Grant: Not niiiice.

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